Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
