I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
