I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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