Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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