go do what you do best...puke behind churches
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
