AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
