I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
