it hurts more in the daytime
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
