Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
