Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
