He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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