He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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