And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
