he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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