So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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