Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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