After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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