The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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