I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize