marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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