he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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