wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
