Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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