Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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