just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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