he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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