All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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