everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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