i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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