im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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