highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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