is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
