I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
