my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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