I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
