you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
