his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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