she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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