One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
