College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
