Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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