is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I didn't notice because vodka
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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