I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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