eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's never too late to be topless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
