Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
