I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize