I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did i walk over a car last night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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