i may or may not be watching the land before time
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
