just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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