I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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