Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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