I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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