so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
