He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
