Have you finally orgasmed yet?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
