Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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