and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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